Monday, June 2, 2008

Food for thought!


Many people these days approach life like a baby learning to eat. They start out hungry and with good intentions, but eventually more of their goals are smeared across the plate for the world to see, and most of it drops off the radar completely. Most of them never quite make it to that place.
Here I am contemplating how to walk on eggshells around certain people. What should I say, what shouldn't I say?
I guess I just need to care a little less. I should start shoving my thoughts down people's throat. Who cares if they judge me? What does their judgement matter anyway? And if I don't say it, who will?
God teaches us to be slow to speak and quick to listen. What about when the caliber of their words leaves me wanting? I think when God taught this lesson, many more people in the world actually stood for something.
Everywhere I look these days, people are falling short. They have no morals, no boundaries, no backbone. It is more questionable to be celebate until marriage than it is to jump from relationship to relationship "testing the waters" if you will. Where does that philosophy come from?
Am I really supposed to set my daughters free in this world at some point?
Before Julie was born I had convinced myself that I was having a little boy. When I found out she was a girl I cried and cried. Not because I wanted a boy necessarily, mostly because my thoughts were immediately flooded with visions of a baby strapped to my back while I stand there with a sword fending off the prowlers. I was scared for her. I still am.
Since when should we encourage the women in this world to be quick witted, scarred and tough. Since when did the men start backing down. Since when did it become popular to be "loose"? Since when did it become ok to use abortion as birth control. Since when did mothers start becoming best friends instead of mothers.
I am so glad that my husband is strong, moral and protective. I would jump back into the days prior to suffrage in an instant because I know that he would pull me through with little hesitance. I trust him enough to let him lead me. I know he is my defender here on this earth. Thank God I have a husband like that who will teach my daughters what pride and self-esteem is! Thank God that he is consistent!
I just wish they would learn to get the food to their mouths before it's too late.
Tabetha


Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Knowledge








Here is what I know.
I know that God is the same today as He was yesterday and will be tomorrow.
I know my husband loves me.
I know I am a good mother.
I know I am passionate with my desires.
I know I am less confident today than I have ever been.
I know that with more knowledge comes realization that I am not in control.
I know I cry a lot, and when I do, sometimes I don't know why I'm crying.
I know that I have not forgotten their trespasses against me.
I know that I panic.
I know that my organization is to hide my imperfection.
I know that I am not alone.
I know that I am bitter.
I know that when I am safe, I am happy.
I know that safety is hard to come across.
I know that I do not like to be alone with my thoughts.
I know that I dream about my victimization all the time.
I know I doubt myself too much.
I know I do not trust anyone 100%.
I know that includes God.
I know that I question our duty here on earth.
I know my daughter resents me for the boundaries I set for her.
I know that she is five and it will only get harder with time.
I know I want her to look at me the same as she did when she thought I was perfect.
I know I am nervous that my husband's touch will feel different after being gone so long.
I know that my tension will ease up when I am holding him in my arms again.
I know that I secretly don't want to put my children to bed at night, I just want to hold them forever.
I know that I am an excellent wife.
I know that I can not sleep with my heart pounding like this.
I know that I'm afraid of it all falling apart one day.
I know that I would crumble right along with it.
I know that God would put me back together...I know that....and I've never known that until now.


"Go down to the potter's house, and there I will give you my message" So I went down to the potter's house, and I saw him working at the wheel. But the pot he was shaping from the clay was marred in his hands; so the potter formed it into another pot, shaping it as seemed best to him...Like clay in the hand of the potter, so are you in my hand...Jeremiah 18:2-6


Tabetha